Music Monday: The Kill

I have a feeling that most Music Mondays are going to come down to whatever song I have stuck in my head on that given day. Well today, it's "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars. I actually got to see them in concert several years ago when I went to see Incubus. Phantom Planet went on first, and the only song I remember from them was "California," which ended up being their one and only hit when it was used at the theme song for the teen soap "the OC," which, coincidentally, Meghan and I stumbled upon one fateful night in the first year that were dating and ended up watching it most of the way through until it was canceled. But between Phantom Planet and the headliners, 30 Seconds to Mars put on a pretty solid show for a band that no one had heard of yet. However, I'll never forget them playing this song, and just how soulful it was. Listening to 98 Rock today while I was working, I heard this play again and, since it's Monday, after all, I thought it would be good to do a little research and see just what it was all about. Here's the song itself before we get any farther:



And even though the lyrics are embedded in the video, here are the lyrics as well:

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?

What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?

You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside

Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you

Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

What if I wanted to break?
What if I, what if I, what if I
Bury me, bury me

In my research, I've found that the first site that typically comes up regarding the meaning of different songs is a webpage that allows anyone to sign in and post their thoughts, sometimes with the backing of knowledge about what the song actually means, and sometimes with nothing more than their own brain power. Keeping in mind that anyone can get on the internet, you can imagine the kind of random responses that these things get. Most people tend to relate lyrics and songs to love, which makes sense considering that's one of the most fundamental driving forces of the universe. When others look at "The Kill," they see a song about someone who did everything that they could for the person that they loved. I even found some lyrics sites that heard "Marry me, bury me" instead of the actual lyrics which don't say "marry me" at all.

In reality, frontman Jared Leto explained (along with the rest of the band) on the CD/DVD of A Beautiful Lie that "The Kill" is a song about a struggle with yourself. He said, "It's really about a relationship with yourself. It's about confronting your fear and confronting the truth about who you are." When you listen to the song after reading that, you begin to see it in an entirely different light. You realize that the singer isn't fighting with another person and telling them how hard he's tried to please them only to get nothing in return, he's battling himself, and realizing that no matter what he does, he's never going to be at peace unless he accepts himself for who he really is. It's a song about being true to who you are. When you listen with that concept, it makes you really start to think about where you are, personally, with yourself.

Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is really true to myself. I know that I could be happier with my job if I were doing something else, I'm sure of it. But at the same time, I know that being there for my family and providing for them is also true to who I am inside. We even talked about it this weekend: what I want more than happiness for myself is happiness for my family. There are personal sacrifices that you have to make when that's a part of who you are, but I think that those sacrifices are worth it. It's part of the way that I show love. That's not being untrue to myself, it's showing that there's more to me than just what I do for a living. My job may not be my ultimate passion, but it's a means to an end for my ultimate passion: my wife and extended family, and deep down, those are the people who make me who I am. That, is who I really am inside.