Music Monday: BANHAMMER!

I absolutely love music, I really do. I just want that to be clear going into this post. I can appreciate most any kind of music when it comes down to it. But every now and then, a particular song or ban starts to grate on me... wearing me down to the point where, whenever I hear it, I want to gouge my eyes out or run, screaming, away from the sound. At some point early last year, I decided that enough was enough. From that point on, whenever a song or artist reached the boiling point of setting off my anger, they would receive what I have lovingly entitled "the banhammer." The banhammer essentially means that whenever the banned song or artist comes on the radio, TV, or other auditory dispensing device, the volume must be muted, the channel or station must be changed, or that device must be destroyed. It's that simple.

Naturally, the first artist to suffer the mighty banhammer was Nickleback. This happened within the first full minute of the instituted policy, and I think we can all figure out why.

For a brief amount of time, the Kings of Leon hit "Use Somebody" was banned, not because the song was terrible, but because it was played over... and over... and over without mercy. This situation is eeriely similar to the hit "Let Me Blow Your Mind" by Eve and Gwen Stefani back in the day. We all know a song like this, one that you really liked at first, and then it was ruined by the fat cats in their highrises deciding what you get to hear on the radio. Thanks, fat cats. Thanks alot. I am happy to say, however, that the banhammer has been lifted from "Use Somebody," and that it is now allowed in our home and cars once again.

The whole reason that the banhammer is on my mind is due to the Grammys last night. We were enjoying a nice, respectable show until I had to bring the banhammer down with a vengeance. It was... wait... let me back up.

I love my sister... but she has a hard time understanding the banhammer to its full extent. Whenever we're in the car and a banned artist or song comes on, and I shout the obligatory "BANHAMMER!", she responds with a, "Huh?" Maybe I didn't explain the rules clearly enough, or maybe she's just unfamiliar with the concept of choosing to avoid a certain section of music, but the fact remains that she's a little slow with the trigger when it comes to the hammer... Now, back to the story.

So we're watching the Grammys, and for whatever reason, Emily is in charge of the control. We've got enough of the show recorded to where we can fast forward through quite a bit of it, so when I saw one of the most overplayed artists in the world being announced, I immediately shouted "BANHAMMER!", to which Megs wholeheartedly agreed: "Yes, banhammer." Emily, of course, was ingrained in what was happening, and apparently didn't hear me. I shouted it again, "BANHAMMER!", but got nothing but a blank face. "Wait, what?" I hurriedly explained as Sheryl Crow began covering the first few lines of the song that this wasn't a Sheryl Crow song, this was a cover... OF GREEN DAY!

Yes, that's right, Green Day is banned. It hurts me to even type their name to be honest. Within a few moments, she realized what I was saying, but the fact that I heard more than a few lines of "21 Guns" means that I heard too much. Just when I was considering letting Green Day off the hook, even if I was only going to allow their earlier work off the banned list, hearing those few lines put them firmly back in banhammer position for the foreseeable future. I mean, I liked Green Day alright, sure, the Nimrod album was one of the best of the '90s. But like the Offspring (banhammered) and Sublime (banhammered), Green Day needs to realize that it's not the '90s anymore, and that all of their new "music," (glorified protest songs) is preachy, uppity, and about as annoying as music comes. So thanks, but no thanks... the banhammer is staying in place, Green Day. Maybe one day you'll be able to escape, but until you realize the error of your ways and stay off my TV and radio for an extended period of time? The hammer is down.

I'm stern... but fair.