3.30.2009

Riding the Wave


As I've come to learn over this crazy ride called "life," there are going to be highs, and there are going to be lows. It's easy to remember both, and mostly difficult to remember what comes between them. I won't rehash my life history to give examples, I'll just move on to what's more recent.

Over the past few weeks, I've gone from hating my job and wanting to simply cash it all in to appreciating my job and wanting to be the best that I can be. It's amazing how that transformation can take place. You see, about three weeks ago I found out over the course of a few days that the three big projects that I'd been working for several months were all going to be put on hold, one of them permanently. Now, I didn't have any pipe dreams about winning all three, especially not the one that I firmly lost, but I certainly expected to get at least one of them. Of course, that's the problem with high expectations: sooner or later, you're going to fall short. This was one situation where everything seemed to just fall apart around me.

I felt defeated, alone, unworthy... all the things that go through your mind when you come out on the losing end of things, or least when you thought everything was going right only to find out that you were completely in the dark about the reality of the situation. Plenty of people will console you and try to find the right solution to cure your ills, but, really, there's no good answers. There's nothing that can really make you feel better at that point, and I was at that point.

But, as the opening paragraph asserts, there are going to be those lows. And, as hard as it is to believe in that moment, there are going to be some highs as well. After those three projects fell apart, I realized that I had nothing going on as far as my work was concerned. I was essentially starting from scratch with no leads on the horizon. But here we are, three weeks later, and I'm busier than I've been in months. All of sudden, I don't feel that sense of failure, I don't feel defeated, and I certainly don't think I'm unworthy. Quite simply, things just... turned around.

Isn't that amazing? Isn't it just preposterous how things can go from completely awful to wonderful in that short of a swing? We've all seen it happen before. My only recourse is to thank God for what he's given me... to thank him for the opportunities that others haven't received. I thank him every day for my family, especially for my wife and for the relationship that we have. Because throughout all these highs and lows, as we're riding the wave, there are constants in ours lives. In my life, it's God, Meghan, and my family. They will always be there for me in the greatest moments and in the worst, and they've proven that over time.

I'm not quite sure that there's a point to all this, and I don't think that I meant to have one in the end. I guess all I'm really trying to say is cherish what you have, whatever state it may be in, because you're there for a reason. If you're down, then thank God that he gave you a sense of humility, a sense of powerlessness, and a sense of humor, because that's the only way you'll stay focused on who's able to get you out. And if you're up, then thank God for your blessings, for all the things you have that others don't, and to look where you might be able to help pull someone else up to your level.

OK, I know I said I wouldn't give any examples, but I feel like this is a story that needs to be told.

Back before Christmas, Meghan and I went to the pet store to pick up food for Chief. As we got out of the car, we found a rather substantial sum of money (I won't say how much, but it certainly wasn't just a few bills). It was just sitting there, right in the middle of the parking lot. I immediately picked it up and flagged down the family that was leaving in their car, asking if it was theirs, but they said it wasn't. Not knowing quite what to do (if we give it to the store, how do we know someone won't just keep it for themselves?), we held onto it, not doing anything with it. On the way home, we discussed what we might do: give it to a church, buy things for a families for Christmas, etc., something charitable in general, but we never really settled on anything. I started calling it "the Jesus money," since it felt like God just dropped this in our lap to aid to some worthy cause. And for the longest time now, it's just been sitting there, on our kitchen counter, waiting to be delivered.

As I type this now, that stack of money is right here, on my desk, about to get sent out. Earlier this month, Meghan and I got a letter from one of my dearest and oldest friends, Hannah. This is a girl who has been through more than her fair share of lows in her life, from a murdered brother to the other one contracting brain cancer, from the church kicking her pastor father out to a painful addiction that almost took her life, and managed to survive it all. Back when we first met each other, she always talked about how God had called her to foreign missions. Somewhere along the way, that fell completely out of the question. But somehow, someway, God has brought her back to him, and has given her the opportunity to go do what she's been called to do. All she needs is prayer, love, and sponsorship.

So as Meghan and I talked and considered how much we wanted to give, it hit me. This was our worthy cause. This is what we stumbled across the Jesus money for. Here, in one fell swoop, was a way to make sure that this money went back to his cause, and for his purposes. We're giving this directly to one of God's greatest miracles that I've had the privilege to witness, and we're helping to take someone who was once in one of the lowest of low places back to the highest of highs where God intended. I think I have the point now.

I'll wrap this up with one of my favorite verses, the one that essentially changed my life back when I was 15. It comes from Matthew, and it's actually rather prophetic here. I've put the part that I've always known in bold, but the rest is too good to leave out.

9 35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

10 1He called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out evil spirits and to heal every disease and sickness.

2These are the names of the twelve apostles: first, Simon (who is called Peter) and his brother Andrew; James son of Zebedee, and his brother John; 3Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; 4Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.

5These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: "Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. 6Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel. 7As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' 8Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give."